UN CHUECO INSOPORTABLE EN LA GARGANTA DEL DIABLO. Por Edgardo Arrivillaga.

Publicado en 04/17,2016

Si usted quiere suicidarse en la Argentina tiene que tomar algunas precisiones indispensables, de lo contrario no será factible. Lo primero que tiene que hacer es dirigirse a un punto neutro con jurisdicciones territoriales compartidas.
Misiones es un lugar ideal porque intervendrán inevitablemente los requerimientos de soberanía jurídica del Brasil, un país que está inmerso en sus propios problemas de destitución de la presidenta; el Paraguay donde los hijos del mariscal Francisco Solano López le ofrecen aperturas de cuentas en bancos chinos, pasaportes y, si es necesario, alguna ametralladora pasablemente utilizable, y luego hacer penosas contorsiones en torno a la Garganta del Diablo, que fue visitada por Teodoro Roosevelt cuando el fallecido presidente americano, gran cazador y aventurero, comparó la cataratas del Iguazú con las del Niágara y se estremeció ante el volumen exuberante y tajante como el corte limpio de un machete y de la atracción al vértigo que producen sus torrentes. Si además encuentra por allí a Federico Luppi filmando El espinazo del diablo, la cosa está hecha.
Pero esta coreografía debe acompañarse de una breve y mal redactada nota de suicidio dirigida a su ex primera mujer, madre de sus tres primeros hijos. La segunda también generadora de otros tres hijos no recibió ni carta de suicidio ni mucho menos los más de 40 mil dólares que la abnegada policía de Misiones acortando los ritos sucesorios los dejó para su primera mujer. La segunda no mereció absolutamente nada, tal vez si había como se dice algunos euros más que quedaron simplemente para la beneficencia de los acuerdos anti lavado de dinero firmados profusamente por los abnegados Servicios Secretos que manejaron Larcher, Izcasuriaga y ese mayordomo fiel que fue el inevitable Oscar Parrilli.
Para simplificar más las cosas usted debe efectuar reservas en varios hoteles cercanos a la zona, simplemente para despistar a ese persistente periodismo sectario que gira alrededor de Lanata y Wiñazky. Seguidamente usted debe emborracharse profusamente, ser detenido por la policía, en un estado de ebriedad absoluta, no permitir que los agentes hagan una identificación dactiloscópica elemental y luego simplemente desaparecer creando la fantasía de una muerte accidental. Si hay un cadáver con una bala en la cabeza, desconozco su calibre en estos momentos, el juego está hecho.
Los posibles testigos arrepentidos no pueden acogerse ya a la Orden Mercedaria, esa zona de la Argentina es básicamente polígama, y si usted se llama Jorge Chueco la operación será más exitosa todavía. Si usted se ha recibido en la UBA para luego dictar cursos por razones de prestigio en la Universidad de Belgrano, el núcleo de contactos se habrá cerrado para siempre. Esto evita los inconvenientes mayores que tiene en este momento el señor Fariña, un testigo de identidad reservada, es decir protegida, del cual ya se ha revelado su paradero real porque la justicia argentina carece de casas seguras como usa el FBI o la DEA. Esto estrecha más las posibilidades de disuadir a futuros posibles informantes; más de 15 se dice por ahora.
El asesinato del doctor Chueco s e parece bastante al del fiscal Nisman. También allí el tema no era tanto cuidar al fiscal, sino más bien enlodar su memoria conectándolo con los fondos buitres, con operaciones dudosas de la madre Garfunkel y del tranquilo análisis, muy tranquilo en verdad, de la empresa de cajas de seguridad privadas que responden al nombre de Hausler.
Si usted quiere simplificar aún más el problema debe inventar amantes, tal vez algún hijo ilegítimo, seis legítimos no bastan, y entonces dentro de unos meses este posible asesinato será muy difícil de resolver y habrá que enviar diversos oficios que serán cuidadosamente demorados por los residuos de la Cancillería de Timerman que todavía vegetan en el empleo público. La sobreabundancia de pruebas implica la sobreabundancia de pistas, y esto a su vez constituye el corazón de ese lugar energético tan atractivo para los suicidas que se llama la Garganta del Diablo. Es poco probable que este suicida resurrecte y si usted tiene alguna duda converse nuevamente con Federico Luppi, un ex comunista exitoso que filmó El espinazo del diablo.
Tengo serias dudas de que este asunto pueda resolverse en tiempos breves. Lo más probable es que se dilate como la pesada caminata del Chueco. Estas son instrucciones elementales para suicidarse en la Argentina y se potencian si agregamos una autopsia psicológica efectuada por algún licenciado lacaniano, y entonces los juegos están hechos.
Si usted quiere desviar a la opinión pública puede preparar una masacre de jóvenes intoxicados en una fiesta mundial alemana tutelados por escasa protección policial y paralelamente, los incendios ya están pasados de moda, una crisis con una empresa de transporte virtual, llamada Uber, que golpea dos intereses esenciales. Al señor Viviani, el jefe de los tacheros argentinos, y tangencialmente al segundo trabajo del Servicio Penitenciario Nacional.
Pero si usted tiene más dudas hable con el señor Marcelo Sain, un prolífico autor de la seguridad bibliográfica dentro de la inseguridad real, permita que los abnegados jóvenes de la Cámpora ejerzan funciones de policía en la calle Rodríguez Peña 80, ex sede del cavallismo militante, y luego como dicen los misioneros, fume, alegremente, fume. El Chueco insoportable no aparecerá más. No tenga la ingenuidad de pedir la renuncia de la ministra Patricia Bullrich y estudie la lista de invitados al casamiento de Guillermo Coppola. Será mucho más instructivo.


Comentarios

  1. 04/17,2016 | 12:07

    Edgardo
    No ignoro casi ninguna de las cositas que enumera. Lo malo es que usted hizo una lista.
    Y no hay nada más horrible a veces que una lista como esa. Me hace recordar, o también destruye mi negación, que no sé a esta altura si vivo en un país, una región geográfica o formalmente un quilombo. Estoy grande, tengo dos hijos y una nieta. No viven aquí, viven en un paraíso inestable llamado Países Bajos. Donde todo funciona a la perfección, pero caminar por cualquier calle supone ser destrozado por una bomba. O nó.

    Yo en cambio vivo en un país inestable donde nada funciona y donde el peligro de volar por explosivos ya pasó, por ahora eh! Donde masas analfabetas y criadas en el delito y el resentimiento incuban algo que no sé cómo carajo va a terminar. Y yo, siendo alguien civilizado y con bastante grado de cultura, estoy dudando sobre dónde está la civilización y dónde la barbarie. Porque todo esto me pone, fundamentalmente, violento.

    De algo estoy seguro porque lo escribí hace 30 años y veo que no me equivoqué. Argentina va camino a la fragmentación geográfica.
    Abrazo

  2. 04/17,2016 | 22:05

    Estimado. La situación de sus hijos dentro de todo es privilegiada. En general el terrorismo de la Yihad es neutralizado. En parte porque son suicidas y en parte porque las investigaciones policiales en los Países Bajos no están dirigidas a proteger un partido político o al Estado Leviathan sino a la sociedad. Haga una curva exponencial entre los atentados y la caída de sus lideres y verá que los tiempos son muy cortos. Creo que Robert Badinter, ex ministro de Justicia de Mitterrand, se apresuró a derogar la pena de muerte cumpliendo una promesa de campaña. La guillotina era eficaz, prolija y altamente disuasoria. Se que conmueve a las almas bellas pero antes que nada hay que tener un alma que no se desmorone como pedazos de vidrio azotados por un viento fuerte. Lo único inteligente que ha dicho el Papa argentino es que el mundo vive una situación de terrorismo internacional diversificada y sin actores de mérito para encarar ningún tipo de negociación. Lamentablemente Siria y Rusia tienen razón. Habrá que convertir las calles de Alepo en una playa de estacionamiento a fuerza de bombardeos porque la democracia en esos países es desde más de un siglo absolutamente inviable. Por el contrario, sus hijos viven en sociedades mutantes hacia el desarrollo, el respeto de las causas minoritarias y un plancton de seguridad elemental. Cuando usted desaparezca sus hijos estarán en mejores condiciones que las actuales y pese al terrorismo sus esperanzas de vida habrán aumentado de 10 15 años más. Pero no todo es político, parte es producto de una partidocracia amoral e imperfecta que tiene criterios feudales.Hoy he llamado unas 15 veces al Gobierno del microcefalico Rodriguez Larreta dejándole previamente mis datos para explicarles que impulsare una acción penal y destituyente a raíz de la desaprensión de este artefacto municipal frente a la catastrofe de la fiesta electrónica que arrojó un saldo todavía incuantificable, porque los efectos de la droga de síntesis utilizada para deshidratar sus conexiones neuronales se prolongan en el tiempo. Naturalmente nadie me atendió pero soy testarudo y convoco a que las clases medias, esos jóvenes no salían de ninguna villa, preparen sus propias guillotinas. Comparto con usted su pesimismo pero Occidente debe reaccionar antes de que entremos, y ya casi lo estamos, en un estado de anarquía peligroso. Y a las almas bellas les digo que arrojar crisantemos a los leones aumenta la voracidad del animal, no la aplaca. Cordialmente, Edgardo Arrivillaga.

  3. 04/18,2016 | 02:29

    No sea tan duro con el Papa, Edgardo. El temita de las festicholas lleva varios años, prueban diferentes sustancias para estas ratitas joviales y algunas veces sucede esto, palman un número significativo; el resto de veces, mueren sólo un par y es silenciado por los medios.
    Me voy a poner un tanto dominical, pero si echamos a Dios de nuestras flías, nuestras casas, nuestras vidas,,, si los padres dejamos de ser educadores para ser dispensadores, si Dios es Plutón o el esposo de Shiva, si permitímos que denosten nuestros símbolos religiosos y patríos ... si los padres sacan entradas para ver a los rollings con sus hijos, y sus nuevas parejitas de segundos y terceros rejuntes, y quieren seguir siendo pendejos hasta los 90. No dejamos nada en pie, todos idólatras, hay desprecio por los límites, por las instituciones. AY DE LOS QUE LLAMEN A LO BUENO MALO, Y A LO MALO BUENO...!!! DEBERÁN RENDIR CUENTAS POR ELLO. Lo dice la Biblía, por algo será... pero haga una encuesta de 100 adolescentes con sus respectivos padres, y pregúnteles cuántos de ellos leyeron la biblía, y cuántos otros pueden citar al menos, 5 pasajes del evangelio.
    Ahí está el quid de la cuestión... porque esto no se detiene persiguiendo empresarios, ni a los dillers organizadores... lamentablemente son el huevo de la gallina.

  4. 04/18,2016 | 12:56

    Estimada. Comparto su comentario pero le recuerdo que las naciones no se gobiernan con devosionarios. Los próximos 60 días veremos un plan de desestabilización integral en contra del ingeniero Macri que tiene como punta de diamante a sectores recalcitrantes de la policía de la provincia de Buenos Aires y a la fuerza federal que fue más privilegiada en logística, armamento y presupuesto por el comentarista habitual de la Universidad de Oxford, Carlos Vladimiro Corach y es un tema que conozco en profundidad ya que poseo los presupuestos comparativos de las fuerzas de la época. El subsecretario de Seguridad Interior era el prefecto mayor Astyasaran y de él no e olvido porque he tenido enfrentamientos personales frente a un pusilánime que ganaba 15 mil dólares por mes. Igualmente esto es relativamente táctico pese a que esa fuerza ha encubierto el asesinato del fiscal Nisman, el derrumbe de los jóvenes que participaron en esta fiesta electrónica, pagana y canibalistica, que les está costando hígado y pulmones, y que costará mas vidas aún porque la droga utilizada se sedimenta en los órganos internos y se desarrolla gradualmente. En los últimos días se han producido ataques contra la Escuela de Mecánica de la Armada, contra la gobernadora Vidal en Bahía Blanca, la vicepresidente Michetti en Tucuman y el propio presidente Macri en Córdoba. Sabemos perfectamente que esto es gimnasia revolucionaria y que atrás de ello se encuentra la serpiente emplumada y su hijo. De probarse la especie deberán ser simplemente arrestados por sedición y arrojados al circulo más cálido del infierno. Con la cordialidad de siempre. Edgardo Arrivillaga.

  5. 04/18,2016 | 19:35

    Comparto con usted Edgardo. Pero tenemos un Presidente que le teme al clamor popular, esa troupe de barrigones que se agolparon en CPY lo tienen a él, y a su equipo de magnates, absortos. Le temen mucho a la toloseña. Y Argentina no está para titubeos. Hay que encanarla Ya!... en 2 semanas con frío y lluvías se les pasa todo el clamor callejero. Además, aúnque así no fuera, es lo que el país necesita, sin más rodeos.Si la van a citar por causas pelotudas y excarcelables, directamente ni se gasten!... Mejor que Macri presente la renuncia y se retire en helicóptero, sabremos comprenderlo. A la Sra. hay que arrestarla por SER LA AUTORA INTELECTUAL del asesinato de Nisman. Con esta gente hay que revertir el sentido básico del derecho, que demuestren su inocencia, cosa bastante improbable.
    El tiempo en Argentina está adulterado, 3 semanas pueden parecer 30 años,y luego de junio, ya estamos en diciembre, volvemos a ver guirnaldas navideñas, turrones y pan dulces.
    Si la meten en cana, va a hacer el acto político más redituable para el otro chorro sin alma, que es Mauricio. Cuando las cosas estén normalizadas que DIos y la Patría se lo demanden, o se lo agradezcan.

    Está aterrado por sus negociados en común. Fíjese que flojo! 12 años soportando que se afanen el estado entero. 3 marchas multitudinarias. Y la dama al otro día cadena nacional con un sinfín de provocaciones. O sea.. no pasá nada! tienen que comprender eso, y sí llegasé a suceder tienen que entender algo que nunca leyeron, la CN. Y listo!.. Pero ningúno quiere afrontar las consecuencias, prefieren retirarse como cobardes que bancarla como patriotas.
    Un voto crédito para Morales, que fue el único que hizo lo correcto, lo debido. Perdón... alguién de su ejercito reclama a la coya, con toda la búrbuja mediática que hicieron? NADIE!...
    QUE NO SE ROMPAN TANTO LA CABEZA, QUE MÁS QUE UN ROSARIO BENDECIDO A LA ARQUITECTA EGIPCIA, NO LE VA A LLEGAR.

  6. 04/18,2016 | 19:44

    Sabe Edgardo cuándo supe que este gobierno iba a ser un completo fracaso, y se los iban a llevar puestos? Cuándo decidieron seguir con el verso de los derechos humanos, recibir a Carlotto en la rosada, poner un lábil en la secretaría de derechos húmanos. Y seguir manteniendo los subsídios a las viejas arpías. Mintieron descaradamente a la sociedad que esperaba un punto final. Este culebrón de venganza que no nos dejará levantar cabeza por (al menos) un par de generaciones más.

  7. 04/18,2016 | 22:46

    Estimado:(s)

    Que le parecen Saenz de jefe de Gabiente y que le den el olivo a la Patricia

  8. 04/18,2016 | 23:20

    No es un dato menor que Vidal vaya a vivir a un barrio de oficiales junto a la base aérea de Morón.

    Yukio

  9. 04/19,2016 | 00:00

    Estos días murieron asesinados despues del calvario de estar presos abandonados, dos presos políticos más. El gobierno? Bien gracias.
    Tener como jefe de Gabinete a un pelotudito progre como Marcos Peña y una inútil como Pato Bullrich muestra que esto no funciona.
    Se comenta por ahí que en poco tiempo Sanz sería el nuevo Jefe de Gabinete. Ojalá.
    Pero el panorama general es desolador. Tiene razón Valeria.

  10. 04/19,2016 | 03:15

    Me parece que era casi inevitable el ascenso político de Sanz pese a mi suspicacia a la partidocracia modelo Jean Jaures es mucho mas adecuado que el pasante Peña. La es montonera y ex amiga de Alberto Kohan es una persona absolutamente incapaz para el cargo, no solo operativa mente sino constitucionalmente. Yo mismo le rechacé dos proyectos de ley que establecían incompatibilidades genealógicas inadmisibles. Y Vidal se fue a vivir a la Base Aérea de Morón lo razones de seguridad y por razones vinculadas con su nueva pareja, que no es exactamente Cristián Ritondo, como se dice. El hecho más importante de la jornada es la esmerilizacion del ex teniente de fragata Echegaray contador asimilado a la Esma con una razonable cs todas de muñecos cuidadosamente tallados a mano. Macri sigue estando mal informado. Saludos para todos. Edagardo Arrivillaga.

  11. 04/19,2016 | 03:34

    Me parece que era casi inevitable el ascenso político de Sanz pese a mi suspicacia a la partidocracia modelo Jean Jaures es mucho más adecuado que el pasante Peña.La ex montonera y ex amiga de Alberto Kohan es una persona absolutamente incapaz para el cargo, no sólo operativa sino constitucionalmente. Yo mismo le rechacé dos proyectos de ley que establecían incompatibilidades genealógicas indamisisbles. Y Vidal se fue a vivir a la Base Aérea de Morón no solo por razones de seguridad sino vinculadas con su nueva pareja, que no es exactamente Cristián Ritondo, como se dice. El hecho más importante de la jornada es la esmerilizacion del ex teniente de fragata Echegaray , contador asimilado a la Esma con una razonable cantidad de muñecos tallados a mano. Macri sigue estando mal informado. Saludos a todos. Edgardo Arrivillaga.

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